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Re: Voklavian Short short Story - Zim 

By: monkeytrots in POPE IV | Recommend this post (1)
Fri, 27 Oct 17 5:32 AM | 59 view(s)
Boardmark this board | POPES NEW and Improved Real Board 		Msg. 37537 of 47202
(This msg. is a reply to 37534 by Zimbler0)
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Well, let's just spell that insubordination out ... and not make the audience guess - after all we can't see her body language. *s*

change: Walking into the Admiral's outer office, Tril-Liana realizes she is in her class-C uniform, every day work clothes; not the class-A Dress appropriate for meeting an Admiral.

to: Walking into the Admiral's outer office in her Class-C every day work uniform, Tril-Lana knows the code calls for Class-A Dress when summoned by an Admiral. Breaking stride for a second, she mumbles to herself "(appropriate Voklavian euphemism for I really don't give a rats ass.)".

*w*





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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good ...


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The above is a reply to the following message:
Re: Voklavian Short short Story - Zim
By: Zimbler0 in POPE IV
Fri, 27 Oct 17 4:43 AM 		Msg. 37534 of 47202

MT> Zim, more active and present tense helps the reader to 'be there', experiencing the story.


I believe you are right, Professor.
I've copied your words out, and I'll have to ponder them.
Possibly even a re-write . . . More likely I just need
to learn to work from this point of view.

Let me see . . . Liana had been fired a week before.
A couple of days, then write and file a grievance. Then
the Admiral orders her to report - and the orders
referred to her as 'Captain Tril-Liana'. By Voklavian
fleet regulations, she should not have been in a
uniform at all . . .

So, yeah, "Was her class-C Uniform a deliberate thumbing of the nose to proper protocol ?"
I'd say yes.

And then the officers Class-C would be much more comfortable
to wear. Casual wear type clothing plus no pins or ribbons
to bother with. Only the one small gold star of a
Captain.

Thanks, Zim.

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