A long, probably not particularly well-written post, but I'm in a hurry and my last name isn't Hemingway...
It's 5:50 p.m. EST and I spent most of the day at the hospital. Needless to say, that's not how tales of really great days usually begin.
I woke up at 6:15 and had to head to the bathroom. That's not unusual, but the left side of my stomach ached. That's not too unusual either. I often build up gas during the night.
I sat on the pot, expelled only a little gas, and nothing else.
The pain in my side got worse, not better.
Now, I've got a few food allergies and diarrhea is no stranger to me. I know the symptoms - pain in my gut... gradually worsening until it gets pretty bad and then, usually, whoomp - I have to go IMMEDIATELY.
So I braced myself for the usual unpleasantness. It didn't happen, though. Oh, the part about it getting pretty bad did, but it stayed the whole time on the LEFT side of my gut. It didn't build to a climax and then . . . well, none of that. It just stayed on the left... worsening in pain over a big area. The area from which the pain was eminating seemed bigger than a softball. It wasn't agonizing, searing pain either. Burns and cuts might hurt worse per square inch, but this became about the worst thing I've experienced because it was so %@#$!ing LARGE. My whole side, from my naval to my hip, to my lower left ribs just HURT. And it came in waves, ranging from a 3 to an 8 on a pain scale going to 10.
The pain kept growing and I started to feel nauseous. I threw up. Dry heaves. A little saliva came out but no food at all.
What's going through my head? "Okay, I've got an intestinal obstruction. I've got diarrhea or bad gas and it can't get past it at all."
Then I thought about it more. "I had corned beef, cabbage and pototoes last night. Potatoes sometimes mess with me. Hmm. Cabbage might cause excess gas."
And still more. "I had microwave popcorn last night. OLD stuff. It could be rancid. Maybe I've got food poisoning."
"And I've had apples and pears in the last day. I haven't had much fruit in a long time. Fruit can cause stomach problems."
I wandered back into the bedroom and my wife woke up to ask what's wrong. I told her and doubled over the foot board of the bed as a particularly bad spasm hit. I asked her for water and she got me a glass. I had a couple of sips. A few minutes later, the pain intensified. I went the bathroom and tried to "go" but couldn't at all. I threw up again. Water came out. Nothing else.
It continued like this - the pain worsening, me trying to use the toilet, sometimes sipping water, vomiting. I literally doubled over and fell to hands and knees on several occasions. After 2.5 hours, it seemed to get a little better. I crawled into bed and asked my wife to get me a hot water bottle. In a certain position, the pain almost disappeared and I slept for an hour.
When I woke, the pain was centralized in my stomach, not on the left anymore. That was a big improvement since that side of my abdomen felt knotted up and exhausted. I figured that whatever was inside had gotten past the obstruction and would now come out. I went to the bathroom and, oh mama! Whaaam! The pain moved back to the left with double the intensity of anything I'd felt previously. I threw up repeatedly (some solids this time) and left the bathroom. My wife saw me drop to the floor. She'd already suggested going to the hospital but I'd pooh-poohed the idea telling her that the hospital wouldn't be able to help with diarrhea. This time, though, I told her that I had to go. I said, "If this keeps getting worse, I think I'm going to die."
And I wasn't exaggerating. At this point, I actually thought my intestines were going to burst. In any event, it wasn't changing in a positive direction at all. *NOTHING* was coming out when I sat down, and the pain hadn't shifted at all to make me think it would.
She gave me Tums and water. I took a 2 minute shower and put on clean skivvies. My wife hit the internet and tried researching possibilities. Appendicitis? Nope. Wrong side. Diarrhea? Probably not. Diverticulitis? It's one of the nastiest possibilities that seemed likely. We headed to the hospital - me wearing solid grey pajama bottoms, a tee shirt and slippers. I actually couldn't put on shoes. Reaching for my foot hurt too much.
The drive was horrible. 10 miles. I was groaning every ten seconds. I realized how stupid it sounded and that it didn't help but really couldn't stop myself. At one point I asked my wife to find a place to pull over because I might throw up again. She didn't say anything and didn't pull over. I suspect she wanted me to get to the hospital quickly..
She dropped me off at Emergency's entrance. I was happy to see that it was nearly empty. Gripping my side, wincing and leaning heavily to the left, I walked to the admissions window. "I really hope you can help because I'm in extreme pain," I said. In hindsight, I must have looked like a gunshot victim. She asked me some of the usual questions - where it hurts, when it started. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the pain?" she asked. "TEN." I said. How the hell should I know what a 10 feels like? I've never given birth out my a$$ and that's what I figure a ten is.
They asked a couple of more questions I don't remember. My wife came in. They asked an orderly to get me a wheelchair. "That won't help," I said. "Nothing helps."
They ushered me in and put me in a room almost immediately. They brought me a gown and asked me to take off the shirt only. (Pajama bottoms have their advantages in hospitals, apparently.) I put on the gown. They asked me to sit on the bed. They got my weight, birth date, temperature (97°!), blood pressure (165 over 120. The highest I've ever known my bp to be is about 130 over 100. It's normally a rock solid 120 over 80.)
My wife gave them other information. I got off the bed and told them I thought I was going to throw up - which I did again, right there. Fortunately I'd brought an unused trash bag in with me. Out came Tums-colored liquid.
So the nurse left and I was still clutching my side, pretty much doubled over in pain. I didn't want to lie down after the earlier experience. Sitting wouldn't help. Standing was no good. I noticed that the bed was in its upright position and had a cushioned protrusion near its head. I tried standing next to the bed, bent over, with the protrusion sticking into my stomach and that felt a little better. So I stayed that way for the next fifteen minutes until the doctor arrived. At that point I noticed that the pain . . . was . . . GONE. I'd been in agony for five hours. The doctor arrived and the pain was completely gone.
"Yeah, I have that effect on people," he said. The line of the day.
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