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HOW TO PICK UP DRUNK GIRLS
The wonderful thing about drunk girls is that they will believe anything you tell them.
You can tell them, "The earth is made of beef jerky," and they will believe you.
You can tell them, "I am the heir to the throne of all the Russias," and they will believe you.
You can tell them, "I am not really ugly. This is only a mask," and they will believe you.
The only real trick to picking up drunk girls is not doing what offends them.
What Offends Drunk Girls You really have to go to extremes to offend drunk girls. And the more drunk a girl is, the more extreme you have to be. Nothing is certain, of course, but there is a pretty good chance that you will offend a drunk girl if you do any of the following things. So if you want to pick up a drunk girl, never:
1. Complain that the music is too loud, then try to plug your ears with her breasts.
2. Tell her that she reminds you of your ex-wife, "Rhinoceros-face."
3. Hold up a bar of soap and say, "I'd like to introduce you to something you probably never tried before."
4. Tell her you love her because you've got a thing for girls with enormous feet.
5. Say you have an uncontrollable urge to be with her because you're having a fat attack.
Likewise, there are certain things which you can do which will enhance your chances of picking up drunk girls. You just have to know what drunk girls like.
What Drunk Girls Like Erunk girls like to be dazzled by wit. They like to be flattered unmercifully, and they like to be engaged in inane conversation. So, the next time you want to pick up a drunk girl, walk up to her and say...
1. "Tonight we have a date with destiny, tomorrow we have a date with fate, the day after that I have to be out of town, but when I get back we have a date with history."
2. "Hey, what a terrific body. It reminds me of a beautiful automobile; great wheels, luxurious padding, spectacular headlights. Mind if I take it out for a spin?"
3. "If you're not doing anything later on, maybe we could go back to my place and name your breasts."
4. "I found this tongue lying on the floor. Is it yours? "
5. "You're a dirty person. I can tell."
Gold is $1,581/oz today. When it hits $2,000, it will be up 26.5%. Let's see how long that takes. - De 3/11/2013 - ANSWER: 7 Years, 5 Months
Artistic girls all have long hair and sunken cheekbones and hate it when you use the words "pecker" and "unguent," especially in the same sentence. So if you want to pick up artistic girls, never do that.
Artistic girls like to discuss brushstrokes and surrealism and linear composition, then take you back to their lofts, show you their bullfight posters, and frost your cake, if you get my drift.
Before this can happen, though, you must get artistic girls to notice you.
How to Get Artistic Girls to Notice You Pablo Picasso could get artistic girls to notice him by smashing a tomato on a piece of paper, then saying, "here, I've painted your portrait." Maybe this will work for you, maybe not. These other things may turn out better.
1. Draw a picture of a famous person on your thighs, then walk up to an artistic girl, drop your pants, and say, "I'd like you to meet Charles de Gaulle."
2. Ask an artistic girl if she wants to pose for a picture you're painting. Tell her you are calling it, "Girl Having Twelve Orgasms."
3. Scotch-tape a pigeon to your head and tell an artistic girl you are building a living mural, then ask if she wants to climb aboard.
4. Confide to an artistic girl that you are an art student and that you'd like to submit her buttocks for your final exam in "Sculpture 101."
5. Go into a bar where artistic girls are known to hang out and call for volunteers to go back to your studio and form an obscene mobile.
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