Virginity is like the common cold. It doesn't kill people. It just makes them miserable. There are so many things you can't do around virgins.
What You Can't Do around Virgins. Bear these things in mind when you are picking up a virgin. You will not be able to do them. You will not be able to:
1. Use the words "hard," "moist" or "personal lubricant."
2. Wear a t-shirt that shows guppies humping.
3. Put cream soda in your mouth and do an impersonation of an octopus having an orgasm.
4. Bet that she can't guess which leg it's resting against.
5. Put your hands on her breasts because you "want to guess their weight."
6. Use her knees to crack walnuts.
7. Close your eyes and taste her panties to see if you can determine their color.
That is a lot to ask a fellow to give up.
How to Make a Virgin Want To Be in Your Company Suppose you are willing to give it all up to be with a virgin. What then? Well, to pick up a virgin you have to make her feel comfortable. You have to make her feel that she has nothing to fear from you. You have to lie. Take it from a man who moves easily among virgins. Lying is good. The truth is bad. The truth will make virgins hysterical. And some virgins carry guns, you know. There is nothing more dangerous than an armed, hysterical virgin. You can disarm a virgin with a little, innocent lie. You can say:
1. "Gee, I like being a priest."
2. "It's remarkable how much you remind me of Mom."
3. "I've never kissed a girl before."
4. "I hope you won't laugh when I tell you this, but I'm saving myself for marriage."
5. "Let's just be friends, okay? "
6. "I'd give anything to find a girl who thought sex was sacred, like I do."
7. "There's nothing I like more than getting into bed with a good book."
Gold is $1,581/oz today. When it hits $2,000, it will be up 26.5%. Let's see how long that takes. - De 3/11/2013 - ANSWER: 7 Years, 5 Months
there are two kinds of naked girls: ones who are hot-to-trot, and once who are not.
You-find-the-ones-who-are-hot-to-trot writhing on blankets under full summer moons, were whispering fiscally to you from deep within dark and scented bedrooms. They are usually wild with desire and driven by the strong perfume of your presence.
Your first inclination is to jump on naked girls who are hot-to-trot, and their first inclination is to let you.
The ones who are not you usually find by accident (wives notwithstanding) in mistakenly entered doctors'offices, hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathhouses and sleeping compartments on trains. They are usually not wild with desire and are aghast At your presence.
Your first inclination is to jump on not-hot-to-trot girls, and their first inclination is to bury their foot in your groin.
What you need to know is how to bring not-hot-to-trot girls around.
How to Bring Not-Hot-to-Trot Naked Girls Around the first step in bringing a not-hot-to-trot naked girl around is to show her she has nothing to fear from you. You can do this by:
1. Giving her a lump of sugar and stroking her withers.
2. Saying, "skews me, I'm blind. Is this where I get off for Albuquerque?"
3. Showing her your vaccination.
4. Fetching a stick for her.
5. Holding her leg gently in your mouth so as not to break the skin with your teeth.
When the girl sees she has nothing to fear from you, you can go on to the next step.
The Next Step the next step in bringing a not-hot-to-trot naked girl around is to get her excited. One of three things usually works:
1. Saying, "Hey, it's only fair. I've seen you naked; now it's your turn to see me," and taking off your pants.
2. Giving her a neutron hickey (it destroys her will to resist but doesn't do any damage to the room).
3. Turning around and leaving.
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