... he's not plannin' on havin' any children. I realize this will devastate Gerta Thunderpants, BUT ...
David Hogg explains why he’s ‘never planning on having kids,’ especially in the US
http://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2022/09/20/david-hogg-explains-why-hes-never-planning-on-having-kids-especially-in-the-us/
We apologize for missing this quality thread from David Hogg the other day, but hopefully you won’t be too upset with us because we’re bringing it to you now and making you aware that something like this actually exists.
Take it away, David!
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~
Kids are the new boats
Pets are the new kids
Plants are the new pets
Let me explain ...
Yes, please do, David ...
Let him explain.
Okay ... okay ... we're waiting with baited breath.
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ Like yes kids are nice but most people can’t afford them so it’s nice to have friends with one but not have one yourself. Pets are the affordable version of kids today for Millennials and Gen Z and plants are now the more affordable plants.
"... plants are now the more affordable plants, eh?
You with him so far?
I don't know. This Hahvaad scholar might have to slow down jest a bit.
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ Plants are now the more affordable pets.
Ah, yes ... that correction is helpful, don'tcha know!
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ Like the number of people I know who literally throw big actual birthday parties for their dogs that they have friends invited and everything is awesome but also very telling of our changing view of having children and our economic condition.
Here’s where it really gets good:
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ Like me? I’m never planning on having kids. I would much rather own a Porsche and have a Portuguese water dog and golden doodle. Long term it’s cheaper, better for The environment and will never tell you that it hates you or ask you to pay for college.
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ But that’s just me. 🤷♂️
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ I would love to help watch my friends kids in the future though and be the fun uncle/friend that helps teach them to skateboard and surf and stuff.
Ah ... David aspires to be a groomer for his friends' kids. Got it.
David thinks he’d be an awesome babysitter. Wanna hire him?
So, David ... you're sayin' that you'd rather "fuck children's lives than fuck guns," eh ... is that what you just said?
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ I know far too many parents who have had their kids killed by gun violence. No one should ever feel that kind of pain. Ever.
Well then, David ... you should do your part: (1) DO NOT father any kids of your own, (2) do not handle any firearms, and ... for good measure ... (3) STAY FAR AWAY from everyone else's kids.
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ Well now I really want a Portuguese water dog. God damn it. Thanks twitter.
If we were that Portuguese Water Dog, we’d start swimming back to Portugal right now. David should definitely stick to plants. Artificial ones, just to be safe.
Our condolences to Portuguese Water Dogs, everywhere! The Portuguese Water Dog Community wants to know if they could interest you in an ugly lil' Bulldog of questionable heritage from Athens, GA, instead?
David Hogg (@davidhogg111) ~ To be clear I am not telling you what you should or should not do. Deciding to have children or not is your choice. I’m just expressing my own view on it.
We’re actually glad that David Hogg is expressing his view on having kids, because now we at least know that he’s not planning on procreating. That will save our own grandkids from the headache of having to deal with little Davids.
Matt’s Idea Shop (@MattsIdeaShop) ~ {Replying to @davidhogg111} Have fun with the Porsche big guy!
Don’t worry. He will.
Yeah ... he will until Gerta comes down on him like a ton of bricks for the emissions.
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence
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