I find myself after doing research on my heart condition and diagnosis from the Cardiology team, including the surgeon who operated on me, and my cardiologist I see regularly now, kind of getting mildly depressed.
I don't know if this is normal or not but for me it is unusual as very little ever weights heavily on my mind.
I have lost over 50 pounds since last October, the remianing thirty coming with the blessing of having gotten Hepatitus E strain in Cleveland and being the sickest I have ever been in my life. I could not eat food because my mind would reject even the smell of it when I tried to eat what my dear wife made and brought to me.. She tried everything and I could not bring myself to put anything into my mouth, though I tried.
That's how you lose a lot of weight. It ain't fun and noot recommended but in my case, its how I lost that round thing in front of me.
Grateful for that and excellent doctors who found out that my Liver was being attacked by that virus also and was one fourth non functioning when they discovered it.
So I Have a Liver Specialist now who has managed to help get that restored to normal and monitors the vital readings of that major organ with blood tests every month.
But the heart diagnosis is weighing on me as I have researched the Cleveland Clinic Heart Clinic about what that diagnosis means, and several other Medical Heart specialists for what does Congestive Heart Failure actually mean.
The average lifespan of a person who has come down with that condition on average lives ten years. The latter half are not very good. Lots of problems as the heart muscle continues to decline.
I never envisioned myself as having a heart problem that would be terminal. Oh, you could possibly have a heart transplant but by then I will be 80 years old plus. Almost as old as Ribs is now! lol!!
I do not believe any heart group is going to give someone that age a heart transplant as opposed to someone younger.
SO, I guess what bothers me is I have a limited, finite amount of time left on earth that is not caused by old age or some debilitating condition.
It just weighs on me that the average person with this diagnosis life span is about ten years.
My family has a history of longevity on the male side well into their nineties. I won't be among them.
Because of this, it just bothers me. Its on my mind a lot.
I need to shake it but it is difficult.
So, that is kinda my mental state these days and I wish it were not..
This board however does make me laugh at times and is informative.. A great combination.
See you all later!
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