It's that time of year, men! It's time to gather up all the love and appreciation you feel for your wife all year long and make a last-minute trip to the Walgreens down on the corner to buy her the perfect Christmas gift.
Not sure what to get her to accurately express your true feelings? The Babylon Bee is here with the following list of perfect gift ideas you can find right there in the 24-hour drug store aisles:
1. Bunion cream: It will literally sweep her off her feet when you apply it.
2. Cool toy Camaro: If she's disappointed at first, show her how if you pull it back, it winds itself up and shoots forward all fast and whatnot.
3. Lottery ticket: There's a 0.000000001% chance this will be the greatest gift she's ever received.
4. Combination flashlight/radio/waffle iron: Three gifts in one! She'll love your efficiency.
5. Rapid COVID-19 test: Democrats only.
6. Every single item you can scoop off the shelves and fit into your large cloth bag before running out the door: California residents only.
7. Xanax: This will help her calm down after she finds out you only got her Xanax.
8. XXL "Happy 4th of July" sweatshirt: She will really appreciate your thriftiness in buying something on clearance.
9. Pregnancy tests: Wives love taking these.
10. 18-oz. bag of Flamin' Hot Funyuns: The gift that keeps on giving long after they're eaten.
11. Expired jug of whole milk: It's totally fine as long as she drinks it today. Probably.
12. Halloween Oreos: A perfect gift to go with a jug of expired milk.
13. 28-pack of hearing aid batteries: This will show her you're thinking about a long future with her.
14. Bottle of 1000 multivitamins: A great way to show you love her and that you've noticed she needs some more energy during the day.
15. Someone else's family pictures you swiped from the photo lab: She can use them to fill all those empty picture frames she keeps in the basement.
16. Walgreens ballpoint pen: The lady at the counter will probably give it to you for free if you ask nicely.
17. A tin of wintergreen Skoal: The perfect flavor of chaw for the season.
18. A necklace made from spent shell casings from the sidewalk outside the store: Handmade gifts are always the best ones.
19. Old lady reading glasses with a long neck chain: A gift that will only get better as time passes.
20. A bottle of perfume that might convince her you went somewhere other than Walgreens: You won't even have to wait in line at the cosmetics counter.
Follow the helpful suggestions above, and you're sure to have your most memorable Christmas yet!
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