"... me showing shame is about as likely as micro being injured in a exploding box of grits incident."
THAT example is disingenuous and quite beneath you, sire ... 'cuz you know damn well that absolutely no one on earth would dare to booby trap such a rare and precious commodity like grits!
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence