...my disclaimer wouldn't fit

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CARB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Not rated by the Motion Picture Association of America. Call for nutritional information. Use other side for additional listings. Printed on recycled paper. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. Prize not redeemable for cash value. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. To be used as a supplementary restraint system only. Always fasten your safety belt. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Do not staple or paper clip. Price slightly higher east of Alaska. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Do not X-ray. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Magnetic media, non-returnable if seal is broken. Formatted to fit your screen. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Prolong exposure to vapors has caused cancer in laboratory animals. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Keep away from children. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. ** - Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalnine. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Use only as directed; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal. Avoid contact with skin. Road construction ahead. Open other end. Dealer participation may affect final price. May not be present in all tap water. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Park at your own risk. Employees and their families and friends are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Keep away from fire or flames. See Uniform Code of Military Justice. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. * - Indicates a low-fat item. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Tax, tag, and title not included in advertised price. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction by mechanical or electronic means, including photocopying, is strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Avoid spraying into eyes. An 18% gratuity will be added for parties of 8 or more. Do not write under this line. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. For qualified buyers. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unit not labeled for individual sale. The following information is meant for general educational purposes only. Contents under pressure. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. All passengers must be behind the white line while bus is in motion. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No smoking, food, or drink. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my family, my roommate, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Do not use near open flame. Management not responsible for loss or theft. Maximum speeding fine: $350. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons or events, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. We have kosher and non-kosher foods. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Prizes are not redeemable for cash equivalent. All taxes become liability of the winner. Handicapped parking - tow zone. Product is provided "as is" without any warranties. User assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. We accept food stamps. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Use at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. You must be 54" tall to ride this ride. Disconnect spark plug wire before servicing. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family, please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Do not try this at home. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Shown with optional equipment. Slippery when wet. Product does not really fly. Coated with food-grade vegetable, beeswax, and/or shellac-based wax or resin to maintain freshness. This product contains olestra. Safety goggles required during use. For demonstration purposes only. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. WARNING: may cause cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, impotence, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss, skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Not recommended for children, adults, senior citizens, animals, insects, plants, or dead people. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Sealed with printed foil for your protection. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit/ 49 degrees Celsius. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Your email session may be monitored at the University’s discretion. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Use type GR927 battery. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. WARNING: pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid this product. Discontinue use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. May stick to certain types of skin. Contains no fruit juice. Push down, then twist. Dry clean only. UL listed. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to use. Warrenty does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, lightning, floods, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, supernovas, hurricanes, other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage and/or frequency, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, explosive decompression, hard vacuum, dropping the item, falling rocks, falling anything, falling on rocks, falling on anything, caustic chemicals, napalm, leaky roofs, broken glass, magnetic fields, laser or other energy weapons, sub-atomic particle bombardment, emissions of x-rays, microwave, ultraviolet, cosmic, and/or gamma rays, mud slides, forest fires, or projectiles (which may include, but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets, snowballs, hand grenades, buckshot, BBs, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled balloons, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, swords, maces, pikes, clubs, morningstars, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. WARNING: Federal law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures and videotapes. (Title 17, United States Code, Sections 501 and 506.3). The Federal Bureau of Investigation (Title 17, United States Code, Section 506) investigates allegations of criminal copyright infringement.(Title 17, United States Code, Section 506.) See local retailer for complete details.

Liberals are like a "Slinky". Totally useless, but somehow ya can't help but smile when you see one tumble down a flight of stairs!