To Announce They’ve Given Up Completely, DNC Selects David Hogg As Vice Chair
NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — Announcing that it has now given up entirely, the Democratic National Committee selected David Hogg as its new Vice Chair.
The selection represents a powerful statement to the country that the DNC has no hope whatsoever, is an abject embarrassment, and has given in to despair.
"By choosing David Hogg, we are letting the nation know that the DNC is utterly doomed," said Executive Committee member Miranda Langley. "We are forfeiting all pretense of being a successful organization, and welcome our final, total destruction. With David Hogg as our leader, the country can rest assured that the DNC has simply given up."
According to internal sources, the Democratic National Committee felt that naming Hogg as Vice Chair was the simplest way to announce that it had stopped trying. "How better to let rank-and-file Democrats know that we have abandoned the cause," said former DNC member Steve Cranton. "Obviously, we no longer care and look forward to the sweet release of death. Thank you, David!"
At publishing time, the DNC had announced that it would attempt to destroy itself entirely by declaring that its leading candidate for 2028 is Kamala Harris.
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